Hope In God

My life is nearly everything I always wanted, in some way or another. I'm in a committed relationship with a man I love, I have a job that is definitely not terrible, I live in a "loft" style room, I have a pretty cute wardrobe, I'm relatively acne free,I am friends with a bunch of really amazing people, I have a family that cares, I have a plan for my future, and I am only twenty-three years old! My fifteen year old self would die of happiness if she could see me now. Priorities, right? So, why am I not happy? Why, when I have everything I want and more, am I left dissatisfied? I haven't been to church in months. That's right, months. That's probably why I feel so dissatisfied with my life. It's hard to be happy with what you have when you aren't right with yourself and it's hard to be right with yourself when you're not right with God. I still believe. That is, I still know. I just struggle. And God knows it. And He puts reminders in my path. Undeniably Divine reminders. Things like, being assigned to visit teach with one of the most amazing and spiritually strong sisters in my ward, getting calls and texts from my sisters and cousins who are also spiritually strong, or finding a Christian magazine in our store's bathroom. In fact, I'd like to talk about that. The other night, I was cleaning the bathroom at work before closing and what do I find but a Christian magazine lying on the floor. "Journey", it was called. "A Woman's Guide to Intimacy With God." I flipped through the magazine, saw the new-age bible speak- which I honestly usually avoid- but as I flipped through it I thought, "I'm gonna take this guy home. I think that I need it." When I got home, I studied the magazine more closely and learned that it is set up devotional style. It goes by day. One Devotional per day. This was the April 2016 Issue. I read, "Friday, April 1 Hope in God." The message was all about having expectations in God and not in the outcome of situations. "...even if something doesn't work out the way we'd like it to, we can be completely confident in one thing: Our sovereign God, who has the whole world in His hands, is also holding us." It was a beautiful message. And it made me feel something. And I haven't felt anything in a long time. I am reminded of a lyric written by my favorite slam poet; "Yes, sometimes God never talks But then, sometimes, we try not to listen." I know full well that God is there and wants to hear from me. But, just like I know my own Dad is probably at home and wants to hear from me, I usually don't call. Well, today, I called. And I want to keep calling. I want to change. So... pray for me, guys, ok? I love you all.