Miracles?

This was the morning that I was supposed to go in and shadow the other infant teachers at the Beacon Preparatory Academy. Instead, I slept until around 10am. It was great. I woke up refreshed, which isn't normal for me. I liked the change. After showering and doing a couple of chores, I went to lunch with Riley at Olive Garden. The place was packed, but the service was still great! Our waiter's name was Ryno. At least, his nick name was Ryno. He is from Branson, Missouri. Small world. After Olive Garden I became insanely tired. Riley and I were going to go apartment shopping, but I insisted that we go home, as I was struggling to stay awake while Riley drove us around. So, we went home and I napped. I napped for about two hours. It was really nice, but I woke up feeling horrible. My body was rested, but I felt as though I had broken some kind of rule. I just felt...guilty. And I couldn't figure out why. The feeling only worsened when I checked my phone. Two missed calls from work. Shoot. I listened to the first voicemail. It was my manager. They needed me to come in soon. I immediately became anxious. I did NOT want to go to work. Oh well, I guess. So, I listened to my second voicemail. Only this voicemail wasn't from work. It was from the Beacon Preparatory Academy. Wendy, the director, wanted to know why I hadn't come in this morning and asked me to give her a call back to let her know whether or not I was interested in the position. I have never felt relief and anxiety at the same time and in the same way as I did in that moment. I was SO happy that I was mistaken. For whatever reason I was not supposed to have been declined the job. I immediately found Wendy's card and called her back. I let her know that I received an email last night telling me that I wasn't what they were looking for. She laughed and explained that she had deleted the add on Indeed.com and it automatically sent out an email to all of the applicants saying that they were not what she was looking for. Turns out, I am exactly what they are looking for! We both laughed together and I told her that I would see her early tomorrow morning to actually shadow the other teachers. Oddly enough. I found myself being angry with God when I thought that I didn't get the job. I had prayed before my interview. I pray often, but I almost never pray out loud. This was an out loud prayer. And it was a vulnerable prayer. I really poured my heart out to God. I told Him about how badly I needed this job and that I so badly wanted it. I could think of no better way to spend my forty hour work week than to be with the babies of the community. That wasn't the only thing I prayed about, but you get the gist. I was angry because I put my heart out there and felt like it was stomped on. I don't know why I blamed God, but I did. I was unhappy with how things turned out and I blamed Him. And now, things are great. And, although my automatic reaction was to blame God when things went wrong, my automatic reaction was NOT to thank God when things went well. It was kind of a wake up call. In a very different way. I want to be close to God in the same way that I am close to my Mom. I want to stop treating God like this mystic entity that is out to get me for not living perfectly. Because he isn't. He loves me. Unconditionally. Just like my Mom.